We have seen a sharp uptick in media training since last week. The first round of the NCAA Tournament was a bloodbath for the might-say-something-crazy crowd. The last installment of this feature rested on the backs of mid-major management: Scott Cross (Troy), Speedy Claxton (Hofstra) and Flynn Clayman (High Point). With those coaches out of the mix, it falls to the powerhouses to feed us our quotes.
Unfortunately, the perennial second weekend crew know how to act at a press conference — usually. Here is a collection of the tenderest moments, craziest breaks and greatest one-liners from the Round of 32.
Starting with UCLA coach Mick Cronin feels cheap, but the Bruin-in-chief demands your attention. Cronin delivered an instant-classic press conference after his loss to UConn on Sunday, including some one-liners that would have had Jerome Tang fired — with cause.
It’s no secret that UCLA is hurtling towards a rebuild, but perhaps 15 minutes after a kiss of death dunk from UConn’s Tarris Reed Jr. was too soon to bring it up. Here’s Cronin on what he needs for a productive offseason..
“I’d like about five more million (dollars). There’s my answer.”
This is a great quote because it’s an indictment of Cronin, the UCLA athletic department and whoever dropped the lead pipe offscreen, all at once. Here he is a few minutes later, this time speaking on his sideline antics. When Mick Cronin calls you “buddy,” start praying.
“It’s ridiculous. Everybody needs to get a life, bro. Get a life, man. Come on, man. Get a life, bro. You want to win big, but you think Coach Hurley’s not supposed to be intense, but you wanna win? Come on, man. We’re not coaching little league, buddy.”
Across the hall, UConn coach Dan Hurley was somewhere between deep sleep and REM. Here he is, snoring through a question from a reporter. Sorry, Mr. Tannewald, it isn’t your fault the NCAA scheduled an East Coast game for 10:30pm.
Maybe Hurley was reacting to the prospect of another Big Ten opponent. In fact, he spoke more about St. John’s at this presser than he did about Michigan State. To Hurley, Sparty is a long, flat speedbump on his way to a rematch with Rick Pitino. No one beats UConn by 20 and goes unpunished.
“I think us and St. John’s are two of the best teams in the country (…) It stinks a little bit that they threw us both in the same region (…) I don’t want to get myself in trouble with the Selection Committee or the NCAA (…) We gotta try to come together on Friday night against our opponents so we can have a bloodbath on Sunday.”
Across the country, Rick Pitino was taking questions in sunny San Diego. His work-in-progress: 6-foot-1 junior guard Dylan Darling, had just hit the first game-winner of his life to send Kansas packing. Correction: his first game-winner in college. Here’s Pitino:
Pitino: “What, did you do it in the NBA?”
Darling: “I’m saying I played in high school and middle school, Coach.”
Darling’s got the dog, the stroke and the finish, but if he can’t take the banter, Pitino might just toss him back into the portal. Speaking of standout transfers, Houston center Kalifa Sakho had a great game versus Texas A&M on Saturday. Turns out, he was assisted by his first daytime meal since mid-February. Here’s Sakho on dropping 14 pounds during Ramadan — and gaining them back at the South Regional:
“I was going crazy, I ain’t going to lie. I was eating like 5 times. We had breakfast. Then lunch. Then dinner. Then I had some more. And some more.”
Cougars coach Kelvin Samspon was in disbelief:
“His last (fast) day was Thursday so it’s no coincidence that he had his best game on Saturday. My God, the boy ate like it was last meal for two days. I said, ‘You don’t need to gain all that weight back in two days. Just slow down there, Hoss…”
How about the standout transfer, Yaxel Lendeborg of the Michigan Wolverines, who dropped the dunk of the season over Saint Louis on Saturday. Nemari Burnett had a productive night, too, but as far as I could tell, he was just at Michigan’s presser to drop zingers. Here he is on Lendeborg’s slam:
“Dominican LeBron.”
Burnett was giggling before the reporter had finished speaking. You know he had been sitting on “Dominican LeBron” all night. That wasn’t the only NBA comp the Wolverines gave themselves Saturday night. Here is Elliot Cadeau explaining the flaw in Saint Louis’ game:
“Saint Louis has never seen three future NBA All-Stars on the court together at the same time.”
Michigan has talent, but this is the sort of hubris that got Greek heroes turned into trees. Meanwhile, here’s Saint Louis coach Josh Schertz speaking on male pattern baldness:
“I think Dusty (May) and I have a lot in common. Both very good looking and hair and all that stuff.”
Turns out, baldness is positively correlated with success — just ask Hurley. Or Cronin. Without hair, maybe those bright, overhead lights rewire your brain a little. Despite the loss, Schertz was beaming when he touched down in Saint Louis:
“It’s hard to mess with happy.”
Speaking of happy coaches, credit Arkansas’ John Calipari, who has adopted a Taoist mindset headed into Thursday’s game against No. 1 Arizona. If I was staring down Jaden Bradley, Brayden Burries and Koa Peat, I’d pick up the pom-poms, too. Luckily, Cal’s Razorbacks have the offensive efficiency and the Darius Acuff Jr. to keep it competitive.
“If I have to be anything other than a cheerleader in this game, we ain’t winning.”
How about Texas coach Sean Miller sealing Gonzaga’s fate at halftime? After this pep talk, the Longhorns rallied to beat the No. 3 Zags from the field, on the arc and in the paint. They lost on steals but still punched their ticket to San Jose.
“The most aggressive team in the second half, the team that wants to go to San Jose, the team who’s gonna steal it from the other motherf***er, that’s who’s gonna win, cause it’s an even game.”
Across the SEC, Kentucky was trounced by Iowa State. Mark Pope is an all-time press conference performer, and he delivered Sunday night with a shoutout to … the men of Planet Fitness? Here’s Pope on the genius of Iowa State coach TJ Otzelberger:
“He could probably go grab five guys from the rec center and give them a week, and they would come out there and be an incredibly intense defensive juggernaut.”
The greatest story in college basketball is still unfolding. The Nebraska Cornhuskers have the talent of a blueblood, the media training of a low-major and a fanbase the size of Grenada. Junior forward Berke Büyüktuncel shot 5 of 6 from the field on Sunday, but landed in hot water with his coach. Here’s Fred Hoiberg on the incident:
“I gave him the game ball even after he squeezed Sam’s headband sweat on me during the interview, which pissed me off.”
That clip was shot two days later and Hoiberg still sounded irked. Here’s Büyüktuncel — presumably drenched in Sam’s sweat — speaking on Vanderbilt’s final, halfcourt heave:
I was just praying all the prayers I know (…) Oh my god. I didn’t say ‘oh my god’ but I said the f word… Sorry.”
Nebraska will meet Iowa in the Sweet Sixteen for the next great Midwestern brawl. Sunday’s win over No. 1 seed Florida was an accomplishment for first-year coach Ben McCollum, but I give him more credit for assembling a squad that loves to be interviewed. Here’s senior guard Tavion Banks, on loafing. Credit Hawkeye Nation for keeping this feature alive:
McCollum: “You can leave if you want, T.”
Banks: “I ain’t got nothing to do.”
McCollum: “Alright, go ahead. Me and T are gonna answer.”
Purdue’s title quest resumes tomorrow, but their push for territorial expansion begins tonight. This Settlers of Catan board confirms suspicions long held by Boilermaker fans: that star guard Fletcher Loyer is a warlord attempting to subjugate his opponents. If he brings that hunger to San Jose, I’ll take Purdue by 20.
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